Diary Entry 4

Dear diary

I am finally imagining you as a real person. You are very pale, starting as a blank canvas. I am the tattooist inking out ever more words upon your pale shapeless body. If I could think of anything to write that is.

I made a little poem for you.

Dear diary if you swap the i and a round
It would spell dairy
Dear diary you're lovely pale and smooth
And not hairy.
Dear diary you're always there to listen unlike real people
Who I find scary
Dear diary if you could speak do you think
You'd sound like Julian Clarey?

It took me hours to think up, I hope you like it.

Today I went to see my counsellor, I told her I had a new friend in my life and that my new friend was a much better listener than she was. I think she felt a bit insulted but she said it was good that I'd made a new friend and it she felt I was making steps in a positive direction.

Diary Entry 3

Dear diary

I feel much better today and I hope the unity continues, for at least until my appointment with the psychiatrist. I've come to the realisation that I've began to regard you as a real person as I have no friends. You will never hurt me will you? You fat smelly slag, the only reason you haven't got any friends is because you smell. Your teeth are rotting out your head. You are a total nutter and scare people away with your insane rantings about sleeping with Johnathan Ross. Everyone knows it's a fantasy. You couldn't even get that acne faced nerd at the mental health drop in centre to like you. I suggest you go to the dentist and have a bath.

But washing is a consumer conspiracy to sell tons of soap and beauty products. Besides I'm allergic to soap. I'll rub organic lemon juice all over my skin instead with a rag on a stick.